It's been an interesting weekend.
As anyone who's seen the news (or the ground outside) knows, Seattle has been hit with its third snowstorm in a week. This one dumped roughly a foot of snow here in Cap Hill, then sheened it over with a coat of ice. Anyone going out on the roads around here is out of their fucking minds today, so we're gonna sit at home, watch movies, read, and...
Well, we've also been nursing Sir Sable lePlume, aka, The Cat Who Will Not Die. A 20-year-old long-haired black cat, Sable won my heart upon our first meeting last year. Cantankerous, fussy and utterly endearing, Sable embodies the truism that cats and people domesticate each other. Despite arthritis and extreme old age, Sable has - until this weekend - remained strong, alert and pretty much healthy for the entire time I've known him. He's survived strokes, fits, illness, moves, dogs, fur mats, stitches, clumsy people, and more years on earth than some readers of this blog. Sadly, he took sick a few days ago, and has since dwindled to a handful of fur, bones, dry skin and attitude.
We figured that Sable was on his way to the Great Passage Friday night. Thursday evening, he ambled over to our futon and laid down on it in a way he hadn't done in months. That morning, he could barely walk. After he stopped eating and bundled himself into a pile on the floor, we thought he was ready to pack it in. Friday afternoon, Dami and made him a warm bed on the couch, then (after he climbed off the couch) settled him on the floor in front of a heater. Blowing off our usual Friday date night, we placed a heating pad underneath him and started straw-feeding him water and milk, saying our good-byes to him as he seemed to slip into that borderland between this world and the next...
...until he got up and decided to stagger to his feet, walk across the living room and go to his food bowl. He collapsed there, though, so we fed him some more, took him back to the makeshift bed, and read there, more or less in silence, each of us with our hands on Sable, letting him know we were there.
As we started to nod off, Sable remained more-or-less conscious. He didn't seem to be in pain - just deeply tired. So we took him to bed with us, set him up at the foot of our futon with a space heater aimed at him, the heating pad still beneath him, and a thin blanket over him. Again, we let Sable know that we loved him, and that it was okay if he wanted to slip away.
I had problems sleeping that night. Sable and I bonded fairly early into my stay with Damiana. I've been one of the few people he allows to pick him up and hold him, and although his litterbox habits have sometimes gotten on my nerves(*), he's been an adorably stubborn companion. As recently as Thursday morning, his senses were so sharp that he could hear Dami and I whispering in bed (on the other side of a closed door) and demand loudly to be fed and watered in his favorite drinking-place, the bathtub. I've often remarked that Sable survives on a combination of wet food and attitude (until this weekend, he'd earned the nickname Food Hoover for his voracious eating habits), and that he's had more comebacks than The Who, The Rolling Stones and The Kinks put together. In his refusal to let age get the better of him, Sable earned my affection and respect. I love this cantankerous scrap of fur, and I will miss him deeply when he's gone.
He has not yet decided to go.
So about 3:00 AM, I was awakened by a feline sneeze. I reached down and felt Sable's head hanging over the edge of the mattress. Apparently, he'd decided to go have a walk, but couldn't quite get off the bed. Gently, I pulled him back onto the heating pad, tucked him back in, and began talking to Dami. Somewhere in the middle of our conversation, he pulled himself out from beneath the blanket by his front claws, and wound up almost hanging off the bed again. Despite all indications, Sable had continued to kick the Reaper's ass. Giving him water and milk and making sure he was as comfortable as possible, we went back to sleep.
The next morning, Sable pulled himself up, got off the futon, peed (on a pile of laundry next to the bed - ah well, it'll wash), and walked shakily but determinedly out to the kitchen. I put him in the bathtub to see if he wanted to drink from it, but he didn't seem to be interested in that. Clearly, though, he could see, was responsive to sensation, and was able to purr. His legs gave out again, though, so we cuddled him for a while, bundled him up, and set him back on the bed (this time a bit off from the heating pad). He seemed comfortable enough, so I went to an audition at the LRS(***) . Walking a fair distance for an off-schedule bus, I made it downtown just in time for the audition. Dami joined me downtown afterward, and we did some holiday shopping. As the snow began to fall downtown, we caught one of the last buses back to our vicinity and hiked back amidst a stunningly beautiful landscape of snow.
Sable was till on the bed, sleepy but aware. Again, we fed him, watered him, and curled up in bed, reading. As we fell asleep, he remained there, still cognizant and purring softly. As of a few minutes ago, he's still with us.
Now, under other circumstances, I might have decided to take Sable to a vet and put him to sleep. By now, he's stopped eating (except when fed by hand), stopped meowing, and seems unable to stand, much less walk, on his own again. Problem is, our roads have been covered in snow and ice since Thursday morning; buses aren't running out to our neighborhood, and a long walk in the cold while stuck in a cat carrier would be, we feel, more distressing to Sable than simply passing away at home in the presence of people who love him. He hasn't seemed to be in real pain - uncomfortable, but not in obvious distress - and... well, as of this writing, he just doesn't seem to be willing to die just yet. And after a hideous experience my sister had a few years back with a dog who seemed ready to die but wasn't(**), I'm not willing to put an animal down unless that animal appears ready to pass over or is in obvious pain. As of now, Sable is neither.
As I mentioned, I felt incredibly sad on Friday night. Sable has a dear place in my heart, and I kinda identify with the rugged little furheap. My affection for "the old man" runs deep enough for me to put up with his less-endearing habits, and as someone who's not always the easiest person to get along with sometimes, I can identify with that element of his personality, too. The last few days have also tapped into some old memories of my death-watches over Warren, my mother's late husband(****), and Salome, my 18-year-old cat who passed on shortly before I left Atlanta. For a while, I couldn't sleep. And then, after his 3:00 AM revival, a bit of reading and some quiet words with my Higher Powers, I realized that Sable's time of passing is his choice, not my responsibility. More to the point, I understood the values of silence and stillness. As an American in the Media Age, I feel so conditioned to constant activity and stimulation that it's often hard to recognize when it's time to slow down and be quiet. Sable is obviously choosing to take a little time before he goes. He's had plenty of opportunities to slip away quietly... and he will do so soon. Despite my sadness, though, I'm not willing to rush him along.
As a Pagan, I accept death as an inevitable part of Creation's cycle, not as some abhorrent thing. Even so, there's a cold quality to passing on. Symbolically, it matches the snow and ice now packed across our streets. The implacable beauty of mortality and snow defies our illusions of control. So for now, I contemplate both and savor the life that is so obviously and precariously a gift.
------------------
* - He left hard little "messages" on area rugs when he felt he hadn't received his share of attention... but at least he's done so in predictable places that are easy to clean up afterward.
** - Litle Red Studio, and it's okay. If the guy who was cast is the one I suspect was cast, I'd have chosen him over me, too.
*** - Buster had a huge cancerous tumor, and could no longer walk. My mom and sister took him to the vet, but it took three shots, almost five minutes and horrible distress from the dog before Buster passed over. No thanks.
**** - Another scrappy piece of work. I was with Warren when he passed on, and although that was a wrenching time on many levels, I'm very glad to have been there with him.
As anyone who's seen the news (or the ground outside) knows, Seattle has been hit with its third snowstorm in a week. This one dumped roughly a foot of snow here in Cap Hill, then sheened it over with a coat of ice. Anyone going out on the roads around here is out of their fucking minds today, so we're gonna sit at home, watch movies, read, and...
Well, we've also been nursing Sir Sable lePlume, aka, The Cat Who Will Not Die. A 20-year-old long-haired black cat, Sable won my heart upon our first meeting last year. Cantankerous, fussy and utterly endearing, Sable embodies the truism that cats and people domesticate each other. Despite arthritis and extreme old age, Sable has - until this weekend - remained strong, alert and pretty much healthy for the entire time I've known him. He's survived strokes, fits, illness, moves, dogs, fur mats, stitches, clumsy people, and more years on earth than some readers of this blog. Sadly, he took sick a few days ago, and has since dwindled to a handful of fur, bones, dry skin and attitude.
We figured that Sable was on his way to the Great Passage Friday night. Thursday evening, he ambled over to our futon and laid down on it in a way he hadn't done in months. That morning, he could barely walk. After he stopped eating and bundled himself into a pile on the floor, we thought he was ready to pack it in. Friday afternoon, Dami and made him a warm bed on the couch, then (after he climbed off the couch) settled him on the floor in front of a heater. Blowing off our usual Friday date night, we placed a heating pad underneath him and started straw-feeding him water and milk, saying our good-byes to him as he seemed to slip into that borderland between this world and the next...
...until he got up and decided to stagger to his feet, walk across the living room and go to his food bowl. He collapsed there, though, so we fed him some more, took him back to the makeshift bed, and read there, more or less in silence, each of us with our hands on Sable, letting him know we were there.
As we started to nod off, Sable remained more-or-less conscious. He didn't seem to be in pain - just deeply tired. So we took him to bed with us, set him up at the foot of our futon with a space heater aimed at him, the heating pad still beneath him, and a thin blanket over him. Again, we let Sable know that we loved him, and that it was okay if he wanted to slip away.
I had problems sleeping that night. Sable and I bonded fairly early into my stay with Damiana. I've been one of the few people he allows to pick him up and hold him, and although his litterbox habits have sometimes gotten on my nerves(*), he's been an adorably stubborn companion. As recently as Thursday morning, his senses were so sharp that he could hear Dami and I whispering in bed (on the other side of a closed door) and demand loudly to be fed and watered in his favorite drinking-place, the bathtub. I've often remarked that Sable survives on a combination of wet food and attitude (until this weekend, he'd earned the nickname Food Hoover for his voracious eating habits), and that he's had more comebacks than The Who, The Rolling Stones and The Kinks put together. In his refusal to let age get the better of him, Sable earned my affection and respect. I love this cantankerous scrap of fur, and I will miss him deeply when he's gone.
He has not yet decided to go.
So about 3:00 AM, I was awakened by a feline sneeze. I reached down and felt Sable's head hanging over the edge of the mattress. Apparently, he'd decided to go have a walk, but couldn't quite get off the bed. Gently, I pulled him back onto the heating pad, tucked him back in, and began talking to Dami. Somewhere in the middle of our conversation, he pulled himself out from beneath the blanket by his front claws, and wound up almost hanging off the bed again. Despite all indications, Sable had continued to kick the Reaper's ass. Giving him water and milk and making sure he was as comfortable as possible, we went back to sleep.
The next morning, Sable pulled himself up, got off the futon, peed (on a pile of laundry next to the bed - ah well, it'll wash), and walked shakily but determinedly out to the kitchen. I put him in the bathtub to see if he wanted to drink from it, but he didn't seem to be interested in that. Clearly, though, he could see, was responsive to sensation, and was able to purr. His legs gave out again, though, so we cuddled him for a while, bundled him up, and set him back on the bed (this time a bit off from the heating pad). He seemed comfortable enough, so I went to an audition at the LRS(***) . Walking a fair distance for an off-schedule bus, I made it downtown just in time for the audition. Dami joined me downtown afterward, and we did some holiday shopping. As the snow began to fall downtown, we caught one of the last buses back to our vicinity and hiked back amidst a stunningly beautiful landscape of snow.
Sable was till on the bed, sleepy but aware. Again, we fed him, watered him, and curled up in bed, reading. As we fell asleep, he remained there, still cognizant and purring softly. As of a few minutes ago, he's still with us.
Now, under other circumstances, I might have decided to take Sable to a vet and put him to sleep. By now, he's stopped eating (except when fed by hand), stopped meowing, and seems unable to stand, much less walk, on his own again. Problem is, our roads have been covered in snow and ice since Thursday morning; buses aren't running out to our neighborhood, and a long walk in the cold while stuck in a cat carrier would be, we feel, more distressing to Sable than simply passing away at home in the presence of people who love him. He hasn't seemed to be in real pain - uncomfortable, but not in obvious distress - and... well, as of this writing, he just doesn't seem to be willing to die just yet. And after a hideous experience my sister had a few years back with a dog who seemed ready to die but wasn't(**), I'm not willing to put an animal down unless that animal appears ready to pass over or is in obvious pain. As of now, Sable is neither.
As I mentioned, I felt incredibly sad on Friday night. Sable has a dear place in my heart, and I kinda identify with the rugged little furheap. My affection for "the old man" runs deep enough for me to put up with his less-endearing habits, and as someone who's not always the easiest person to get along with sometimes, I can identify with that element of his personality, too. The last few days have also tapped into some old memories of my death-watches over Warren, my mother's late husband(****), and Salome, my 18-year-old cat who passed on shortly before I left Atlanta. For a while, I couldn't sleep. And then, after his 3:00 AM revival, a bit of reading and some quiet words with my Higher Powers, I realized that Sable's time of passing is his choice, not my responsibility. More to the point, I understood the values of silence and stillness. As an American in the Media Age, I feel so conditioned to constant activity and stimulation that it's often hard to recognize when it's time to slow down and be quiet. Sable is obviously choosing to take a little time before he goes. He's had plenty of opportunities to slip away quietly... and he will do so soon. Despite my sadness, though, I'm not willing to rush him along.
As a Pagan, I accept death as an inevitable part of Creation's cycle, not as some abhorrent thing. Even so, there's a cold quality to passing on. Symbolically, it matches the snow and ice now packed across our streets. The implacable beauty of mortality and snow defies our illusions of control. So for now, I contemplate both and savor the life that is so obviously and precariously a gift.
------------------
* - He left hard little "messages" on area rugs when he felt he hadn't received his share of attention... but at least he's done so in predictable places that are easy to clean up afterward.
** - Litle Red Studio, and it's okay. If the guy who was cast is the one I suspect was cast, I'd have chosen him over me, too.
*** - Buster had a huge cancerous tumor, and could no longer walk. My mom and sister took him to the vet, but it took three shots, almost five minutes and horrible distress from the dog before Buster passed over. No thanks.
**** - Another scrappy piece of work. I was with Warren when he passed on, and although that was a wrenching time on many levels, I'm very glad to have been there with him.
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